I had a chance to see Clash of the Titans a night early, and quite earlier than expected. There were actually screenings earlier than just your typical "midnight opening" at 12:01. This was actually at 9:15 PM, and that wasn't even the earliest one. This isn't something that happens often (right?), so I took advantage, because sometimes by the time I get to a midnight showing my mind is too sluggish, and movies that are probably paced perfectly fine seem to drag on. Well, enough of that useless little anecdote; this post is about the movie. So, how was it?
Well, the biggest problem with the whole thing is probably that it can never overcome its origins. I don't think it's impossible to make a compelling film revolving around Greek mythology, but it sure as hell isn't easy. That the story doesn't stray too far from the 1981 original is the film's greatest bane. The whole thing is just silly, and Louis Leterrier's film struggles to find a proper tone. Characters get beat up, scratched, and injured, yet it's hard to be even remotely invested in the whole thing, even on a purely superficial level. A good deal of it is thanks to the silliness of the dialogue. Pete Postlethwaite (you were in In the Name of the Father, for God's sake...what happened?), who's barely in the movie, gets some of the worst, in the form of a condensed speech that feels too much like a greatest hits version of "call to action" speeches. Then there's Sam Worthington, whose performance and facial expressions reminds of something 30Rock's Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) said to ex-boyfriend Drew (Jon Hamm) in a recent episode: "Soooo handsome....so, so stupid." For all of Worthington's attempts at Russell Crowe-esque brooding, not to mention his anachronistic haircut, he's a blank slate. Particularly bad are the scenes when he isn't speaking. His reaction shots when he isn't speaking are just so damn blank, and it's a problem right from the get-go. Then there's Gemma Artreton as Io, Perseus' guardian, who has been watching him since his birth, despite some hints at romantic tension (wait a minute, significantly older, ageless being who creepily teases a younger person? Could this be Reverse Twilight?). Io's main purpose is to guide Perseus, all while modeling off-the shoulder dresses for Calvin Klein. But best (worst?) of all are our two prestige actors: Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes as Zeus and Hades, respectively. Neeson, who's dressed in the world's shiniest armor, is predictably credible as Zeus, as is Fiennes as the pale Hades (even if he does hoarsely whisper every damn line). They're fun enough that I actually wanted to see more of them, and less of those pesky humans and their lame comic relief. A real "clash" movie would be one revolving around a battle between the gods themselves, not just Zeus and Hades. Even the action scenes and special effects (by the way, skip the 3D if you see it) don't really engage, although the drawn-out reveal of the kraken is nicely done. However, my friend made an interesting comment as we were leaving the theaters, about how she was so excited to see Ridley Scott's Robin Hood because "it has real people fighting real people, not real people fighting green screens and props." While I don't have a problem with CGI violence, she has a point. If you're going to do CGI battles, they need to be part of a story that keeps you engaged in the action, which Clash of the Titans doesn't. The Medusa in particular is cartoonish, and the giant scorpions are in a strange middle ground. The only thing that is consistent are the rich (albeit campy) production values and the lively score. But in the end it comes down to tone, character development, and writing, and sadly, Leterrier's film fails in all three departments. It's inconsistent in tone, poorly developed character wise, and filled with either dull or silly dialogue ("calm your storm" might be one of the funniest euphemisms for "stop getting aroused") that leads to an identity crisis. You might have some fun with it on the big screen, but overall, this is the sort of film you enjoy ironically with your friends, making jokes about it RiffTrax/MST3K style.
Grade: C
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