Beowulf - REVIEW

Ah yes, I broke down and saw it. I've now seen three movies this Thanksgiving week and each one has been weaker than the one before it. Now, I've heard that seeing Beowulf in 3-D is really amazing, but I was only able to find a normal showing so that's what I'll be commenting on. To make things easier, I'll split the review into 4 sections: 1 for each part of the story, and a final one for general statements/wrap up blah blah blee.

Part 1 - Grendel: The weakest part of the film. Ignoring the innacurate portrayals of the Danes and what not, there was a general feel of trashiness to this whole segment. Though Grendel is pretty creep-tacular in appearence, it's hilarious everytime he speaks because you can't understand anything. When he was trying to tell his mother that "beowulf tore off his arm" it comes out like "mmmrrrrskuuuuuuuuuuuwaaaaaaaaaaaaa jskdsuuuuuuuaswsuueuususa!!" Also, as Beowulf is fighting Grendel, he fights him naked. This in itself is not bad, and could actually implied from reading the poem, but where the film goes wrong is having conveniently placed objects always there to block out Beowulf's "privates" like something out of an Austin Powers movie.....except Austin Powers was intentionally funny. Also hilarious is the way Beowulf acts like a love sick puppy around Queen Wealtheow (Robin Wright Penn) as she sings a toned down version of the film's original song. Also, John Malkovich needs to go take acting lessons again. Terrible line delivery.

Part 2 - Grendel's Mother: Angelina doesn't have too much time on screen, so her bizarre Russian accent doesn't seem as ludicrous as it was in "Alexander". But it is in this segment that the whole motion capture technique first falters. As Grendel's Mother slowly circles around Beowulf and trying to seduce him there are times when the face lacks almost all resemblence to Angelina. However, this segment does start off with some nice camera work as we see (from a first person view) Grendel's Mother fly over to the Danes' meadhall and slink around. Some nice music from Alan Silvestri's score also helps the scene with Beowulf and Grendel's Mother.

Part 3 - The Fire Dragon: the best part of the film despite how wildly it deviates from the poem. The dragon is pretty cool and has a great design. However, the motion capture concept falters again because as Beowulf is hanging onto the dragon's back there's no tension or excitement, because the scene (and pretty much the whole movie) feels like a really lengthy cutscene in a videogame. However I can't deny that I felt just a little bit sad when Beowulf bites the dust at the end and saves his kingdom and yada yada yada. Oh, but that final scene.....so wildly innacurate...

Subsection A - The Credits: nothing special except we get bombarded with the full version of the film's original song ("A Hero Comes Home" performed by Idina Menzel of "Wicked"fame). The song is like an overwrought 80's pop ballad to end all overwrought 80's pop ballads. If this gets nominated for the Original Song Oscar, I'm hitting mute when it gets performed. Christ it's awful.

Part 4: Overall, the "groundbreaking animation" is impressive, but it hasn't come far enough to make us feel like this are people who can really "feel". Mr. Zemeckis makes some nice choices with the angles in certain shots, but the script tries a bit too hard to be hip and Beowulf often comes off like a bad imitation of Gerard Butler's King Leonidas from "300" (he was a much better yeller). A noble effort, but sadly a rather disconnected one that never really gets your pulse going like it should.

Grade: C+

Nominations: NONE

Number of 2007 films seen: 39