Monday, November 5, 2007

A rant against the new Beowulf movie

Obviously when a book or play is adapted to the screen, there are bound to be some changes. Sometimes they're quite large (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban) and sometimes rather minute (supposedly, December's "Atonement" is incredibly faithful to the book). Why are these changes made? Well, because books tend to have lots of things happen, and lots of subplots and characters involved in those subplots (The Goblet of Fire anyone?) and though they're cool, they don't need to be there because they aren't essential to the story. The story can still exist with its main events and overall themes and motifs intact when those delightful diversions are are altered, minimized, or removed all together. But those are for NOVELS...and Beowulf is no novel. What's more, is that it gets right to the point with little time spent on exposition (the poem is 3000 lines and spans roughly 60 pages. That's it.) Though lots of events happen, they are all more or less connected to the main story; there is little room for sub plots in legitimate epics. Why, you ask? Because legitimate epics (defined as: a long narrative poem composed orally in the elevated style about the deeds of a hero representative of a nation or race, with supernatural intervention) were well, orally composed, and were "stored" mentally in the brains of the scops (name for the official poet of a tribe in Anglo Saxon culture) and there wasn't room for superfluous side stories that didn't contribute to the overall plot. Now, for the next part of this post, I'm going to post several "events" that happen in the Beowulf MOVIE, and then explain the problem in each one.

1. King Hrothgar adopts Beowulf as his own son after he defeats (note: not kills. Grendel's real death occurs later in the poem and probably does the same in the movie.) Grendel because Hrothgar has no successors. This leads to Beowulf becoming King of the Danes, even though he is a Geat.

The Problem: Though Hrothgar does actually do this, it's merely a grand gesture of thanks. Beowulf does not become his successor and never intended to. Hrothgar has 2 sons named Hrethic and Hrothmund, a daughter, and an adopted nephew named Hrothhulf who is the son of Hrothgar's brother Halga. He's got PLENTY OF DAMN SUCCESSORS ALREADY. This also undermines the point that after Hrothgar's death (a natural death, and not SUICIDE as the movie shows) infighting and betrayal bring down the Danes of Hrothgar's tribe. If Beowulf is the Danes' new king, this cannot happen.

2. Beowulf goes to face Grendel's Mother wearing no armor.

The Problem: this essentially destroys one of the central themes of Beowulf. As each challenge (Grendel, his mother, the dragon) gets greater and more "mysterious" (ie Beowulf doesn't know what he'll have to do to defeat them) Beowulf becomes more cautious, protective, and HUMAN. The movie screws this up by a change involving one of the 3 enemies and makes the story more about redemption of a sin as opposed to Beowulf finally becoming a great king and sacrificing himself for his people against the ultimate evil. Beowulf's death is supposed to represent the end of the heroic age, not the redemption of a sin (which never happened).

3. Grendel's Mother is hot and succeeds in seducing Beowulf.

The Problem: last time I checked, creatures described as "troll wives" shouldn't look like naked Angelina Jolie (wearing high heels to boot...). Also, she seduces Beowulf and he doesn't kill her (this is the "sin") and since there was no birth control back then, she has a child...well just guess who it is!!!

4. #&@*$&@#@^#(*!^@-ing Fire Dragon is the offspring of Beowulf and Grendel's Mother (must've been one hell of a delivery what with the scales and claws and fangs and such...)

The Problem: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. But seriously, the Dragon really only begins attacking Beowulf's people when a ceorl (second class of two class society. they would do lots of labor.) stole a flagon from the dragon's treasure. The dragon isn't out to get Beowulf like Mordred trying to kill King Arthur in The Once and Future King (sorry, just had a test over this today...). It's just a beast who gets seriously pissed off, and decides to let all hell loose on the kingdom of GEATS AND NOT THE DAMN DANES.

5. Wiglaf (Brendan Gleeson) is present throughout the entire story.

The Problem: Wiglaf only appears in the final episode with the dragon. He helps weaken the dragon so that old king Beowulf can finish it off before he dies. Wiglaf then becomes his successor. Wiglaf is supposed to be young (and not the same age as Beowulf) and represents the end of the age of heroes. He is a good person with a heart of gold, and true loyalty to his king, but he isn't supposed to be Beowulf's friend for life. He is supposed to lead the way as the heroic age ends, and the middle ages arrive, where great warriors are no longer called upon. Why no need for more "Beowulf"'s? Because the heroic age was (for "epics") about defeating monsters, creatures that did evil simply because it was all they knew. The middle ages is when men fight men; those who know they should not do evil, but choose to do so anyway. If Wiglaf is roughly the same age as Beowulf when he dies, he cannot lead the Geats for very long into the oncoming age.

6. Beowulf marries Hrothgar's wife, Queen Wealtheow, and then cheats on her later in life.

The Problem: none of it ever happened or could even be implied. Why? Queen Wealtheow was a real person. Beowulf was not. Beowulf also never had any romantic attraction to her, and was a noble enough figure to never cheat on his own wife, let alone the former wife of great Hrothgar (who commits suicide in the movie....what the hell?).

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