Red Carpet:
Ryan Seacrest says that Woody Harrellson’s suit is likely made entirely out of hemp…awkward
The Good: Kate Kate Winslet, Mo’nique, Sandra Bullock, Meryl Streep, all of the supporting actress nominees, Michelle Pfeiffer
The In between: J Lo
The Bad: Barbra Streisand
6:55 – someone please tell Miley Cyrus to stand up straight. Now.
7:03 – everyone insists on calling “Precious” by “Precious: based on the novel Push by Sapphire”…this show is going to take 5 hours.
7:04 – For the first time in history, George Clooney actually looks old on the red carpet. Still funny though.
7:05 – Sandra Bullock – “you have to take it all in, because we get to eat after this finally” “I’m going to have some deeply fried French fries and a burger”
7:07 – Zac Efron was invited b/c producer Adam Shankman (director of Hairspray) wanted him to present. This is turning into the Teen Choice Awards.
7:09 – It took Matt Damon 6 months to work on his south African accent for Invictus. Maybe that’s why his performance was so bland.
7:10 – stop chewing gum, Morgan Freeman, you’re better than that…I hope…
7:13 – Sherri Shepherd and J. Lo are talking about what makes a good Oscar dress. I am bored. Also, J. Lo loved Precious.
7:14 – Sarah Jessica Parker…NO! Just go away.
7:15 – Cameron Diaz looks great on the red carpet for the first time in years.
7:16 – Meryl Streep actually put effort into her outfit. Better give it to her this time, Academy, this may not happen again for a while.
7:20 – Steve Carrell and Tina Fey.
7:20 – Miley Cyrus..STAND. UP. STRAIGHT.
7:23 – Twilight’s Kristen Stewart only has one expression: bored/awkward
7:24 – according to Kathy Ireland, everyone is hanging on Gabby Sidibe’s every word. I beg to differ.
The Show:
7:30 – show start…is this the same stage as last year, only with a different color sceme? Lead Actor/actress nominees on stage
7:31 – neil Patrick harris just popped out of nowhere. This is a good sign.
7:33 – camera keeps cutting to audience members in the dark
7:35 – Baldwin and martin descend from the sky holding hands
7:35 – lots of applause for meryl streep. Steve Martin “she has the most nominations…or as I say it: the most losses”
7:36 – Baldwin: “Invictus combines two things I love: rugby, and tensions between blacks and whites”
7:37 – Baldwin and Martin are killing it. Dual hosts rock.
7:39 – hosts look at James Cameron with 3d glasses.
7:40 – I refuse to believe that Kathryn Bigelow is 58. She has obviously found the fountain of youth…or at least age-delaying
7:43 – Clooney and Baldwin enter an evil staring contest.
7:44 – First award – Penelope Cruz presents supporting actor – they brought back CLIPS of the performances!!! YES!. Cruz actually says “and the winner is” instead of “and the oscar goes to” WINNER: Christoph Waltz – Inglourious Basterds, no surprise. “oscar and Penelope…uber BINGO”.
7:50 – Ryan Reynolds to present: The Blind Side.
7:55 – Cameron Diaz/Steve Carrell present: Animated Film: UP
8:00 – Amanda Seyfried and Miley Cyrus present Miley Cyrus towers over Seyfried…I hope she doesn’t eat Amanda: Best Original Song: Crazy Heart (“The Weary Kind”). T-Bone Burnett is rocking some indoor shades, and towers over Ryan Bingham. What is with these height differences? Ryan Bingham speaks briefly, and T Bone says nothing, because he’s too cool.
8:05 – Chris Pine presents: District 9
8:11 – why is this commercial break so long?
8:11 – Robert Downey Jr and Tina Fey are hilarious and present: original screenplay: Mark Boal – the Hurt Locker. Quentin Tarantino is probably seething. The Academy really doesn’t like him.
8:17 – Matthew Broderick and Molly Ringwald, who is wearing the “Crying Game” haircut. They present a John Hughes tribute, and there’s an odd “hissssssss” sound in the background.
8:20 – WHY IS THE STAGE SO DARK!?
8:21 – a number of stars from John Hughes films take the stage for….
8:23 – Samuel mother******** L. Jackson presents: UP
8:26 – Baldwin: “we’d like to introduce these two lovely actresses, because frankly, we’re tired of seeing all of these ugly actresses”
8:27 – Carey Mulligan and Zoe Saldana present short films, and Carey Mulligan’s earrings are trying to take over her head. Zoe’s dress looks like it was made by five different Project Runway contestants: Logorama, no one really cares, but good for this guy. His film had 300 unofficial sponsors, the logos of which were featured. “I want to applause my fellow nominees.”
8:33 – Mulligan/Saldana present Short Documentary: Music by Prudence. Some woman (not the director, producer maybe?) interrupts the film’s director, sounding like she’s hopped up on caffeine. They are the first winners to be played off by the orchestra.
8:35 – Mulligan/Saldana present Live Action Short Film…apparently there’s a presenter shortage in Hollywood: The New Tenants
8:37 – Ben Stiller, dressed as a Na’Vi from Avatar. James Cameron grimaces through it. Stiller speaks in faux-Avatar language. Category: Best Make-Up:
8:39 – James Cameron is trying not to cry. Makeup goes to: Star Trek. Hm…I never realized how cool the Star Trek score was…
8:43 – Jeff Bridges presents: A Serious Man
8:47 – Rachel McAdams and Jake Gyllenhaal – Adapted Screenplay: Precious wins, and I have a feeling that the Up in the Air writers are FUMING. Why does it sound like wind is blowing in the background?
8:52 – Queen Latifah presents the first ever governor’s award ev*snoooooooore* hey, Lauren Baccall finally got an award…nice. Standing ovation for Lauren Bacall and Roger Corman
8:55 – Robin Williams presents Supporting Actress: Mo’Nique, who thanks the Oscars for “recognizing the performance, not the politics”.
9:01 – Colin Firth presents: An Education.
9:05 – Sigourney Weaver presents Art Direction/Set Design: Avatar. The first words out of the designer’s mouth are: Jim Cameron. What a surprise. There’s a weird sshshshshshshs sound in the background and everyone looks confused. Kathy Bates frowns upon these sound design shenanigans.
9:09: Baldwin; “the plural of whores is not horses” Baldwin: he directed a single man and she weighs a single pound…
9:10 – Tom Ford and Sarah Jessica Parker present costume design: The Young Victoria. The Academy just can’t get over traditional costume dramas.
9:12 – Charlize Theron presents Precious, and doesn’t call it “Precious based on the novel push by sapphire”; you are my hero, Ms. Theron
9:16 – tribute to horror movies; Baldwin and martin spoof Paranormal Activity
9:18 – Taylor Lautner and Kristen Stewart…Kristen, why does your expression NEVER CHANGE!? Stewart is a total black hole.
How is Edward Scissorhands HORROR? And where was 28 Days Later in this tribute?
9:22 – Zac Efron and Anna Kendrick present Sound, with Morgan Freeman narrating. Very nice job of actually explaining why Sound Mixing and Editing are so important. Sound Editing: The Hurt Locker
Sound Mixing: The Hurt Locker
The Hurt Locker: 3, Avatar: 1, Inglourious Basterds: 1
9:28 – Elizabeth Banks presents the sci-tech awards montage.
9:29 – John Travolta presents Inglourious Basterds
9:34 – Sandra Bullock presents Cinematographer, the nominee clip DOESN’t play: Avatar wins
Hurt Locker: 3, Avatar: 2, Inglourious Basterds: 1
9:37 – Demi Moore presents the In Memoriam montage
9:45 – J. Lo and Sam Worthington (stop chewing GUM) present Original Score…with dancers. This is actually not the disaster it should have been…STOP PUTTING EVERYTHING IN SHADOWS. Other than that, this is the best presentation of the night. Well done.: Up
9:54 – Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper present visual effects: Avatar
The Hurt Locker: 3, Avatar: 3, Inglourious Basterds: 1
9:56 Jason Bateman presents Up in the Air
10:01 – Matt Damon presents Best Documentary: The Cove. The Japanese are officially terrified of American directors now.
10:05 – Tyler Perry (why?) presents Best Editing, and he’s actually funny: The Hurt Locker
The Hurt Locker: 4, Avatar: 3, Inglourious Basterds: 1
10:08 – Keanu Reeves…please fix your beard. He presents The Hurt Locker
10:14 – Quentin Tarantino (did you crawl out of a dumpster?) and Pedro Almodovar present Foreign Language Film: The Secret of her Eyes (Argentina), big upset over The White Ribbon and A Prophet
10:18 – Kathy Bates presents Avatar
10:24 – 5 friends/co-stars present best actor. After randomly jumping into clips, the 5 presenters give tributes to the nominees. This is bizarre, and why not for the supporting categories? Kate Winslet then arrives to present the actual award Winner: Jeff Bridges. The Dude finally scores.
10:39 – Overlong Best Actress presentation begins.
10:47 – Sean Penn is…drunk? Winner: Sandra Bullock “did I really earn this or did I just wear you all down?” Closes an emotional speech with a hilarious one liner.
10:52 – Barbra Streisand (worst dressed?) presents Best Director: Kathryn Bigelow, who makes history as the first woman director to win.
10:58 – Tom Hanks presents Best Picture, and apparently feels the need to skip over the list of nominees and go straight to the envelope: The Hurt Locker
Martin: the show has gone on so long that Avatar is now in the past!
The Hurt Locker: 6, Avatar: 3, Inglourious Basterds: 1
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