Wait......WHAT?

One of the most exciting, consistently brilliant American Idol contestants just LOST to an admittedly good but low-key pretty boy from Arkansas? Why America...WHY!?

The first entertainment trainwreck of the year

Simon's expression at 2:57 says it all: WHAT THE HELL AM I WATCHING? (Hell, even Paula had trouble faking a smile here).

A list of what's wrong with the video above:
1) the "singing" (by which I mean, raspy wailing)
2) appearence: she looks HIDEOUS
3) the dancing: just because you can work the stage doesn't mean you're giving a good performance
4) the "singing" continued: honestly, can anyone understand what she's saying?

and don't even get me started on the woodpecker red hair....

American Idol 7: The Top 5, Neil Diamond Week

Trying something a little different, the producers had the contestants all sing their first song (they got to go twice tonight) without interruption before the judges made comments. Unfortunately, Paula, always a reliable source for an awkward moment or two, gave David Cook (or was it Jason?) two reviews, before Simon interrupted and told her that each contestant had only sung once thus far. The moment was slightly funny, slightly awkward (ok...incredibly awkward), and really weird. Actually, that kind of sums up the whole night.

Round One:

EVERYONE: C+/C After round one was over, I realized that none of the performances had gotten any reaction, good or bad, out of me. Had they all been hit with tranquilizers, or had they simply spent too much time with Paula(I've heard idiocy is highly contagious)? No one did much to make me pay attention; no superstars, and no train wrecks. Jason was....the usual, David Cook gave probably the "best" performance, Brooke looked uncomfortable, David Archuleta was B-L-A-N-D, and Syesha was....herself. I think that's all I need to say. Honestly, after the first round I was ready to have my eardrums bombarded with Carly's vocal gymnastics again.......

Round Two:

Jason Castro: *snnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooooooore*. But seriously, this was Jason at his most boring and predictable. It wasn't awful, but it wasn't anything memorable....it wasn't really much of anything. As Paula said (oh god...I'm quoting Paula....shoot me now), Jason needs to step outside his comfort zone. Grade: C

David Cook: FINALLY. After six blah performances, the grunge rocker finally woke the audience from it's coma. It wasn't great, but it was very good, and it actually HELD MY ATTENTION (in a good way)! Grade: B

Brooke White: much better, although I still think she shouldn't play instruments when she sings. She should put all her energy into singing. But still, I liked it enough to give her a pass. However, I have to take issue with the small lyrical "plot hole" in her song. Following Neil Diamong's suggestion that she change "my home is New York" to "Arizona" (Brooke's home state), it contrasted with a later line of lyrics: "between LA and my hom; caught between two coasts). ummmmmmmmmm......... Grade: B

David Archuleta: yawn. I can't believe he pulled a Kristy and brought out the big American flag in the background. That's all that needs to be said. However, I'm actually annoyed more at Randy, who called both of David's performances "DA BOMB!" Maybe all those recordings with Mariah Carey have made Randy go deaf..... Grade: C

Syesha: I refuse to write more than this sentence. Grade: C

Prediction:

Bottom Two: Syesha and Brooke
Going Home: Brooke

Oh, and I felt the need to add THIS:

American Idol 7: World Wide Webber Week

This week (just yesterday actually) the Top 6 contestants had to perform songs composed by the king of broadway himself: Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber. Apparently the producers of the show have run out of ideas, because they're now resorting to theme weeks that are bound to cause trouble. First Mariah Carey week (where contestants face comparisons to the original), and now Lloyd Webber week (when Simon calls a performance "broadway-ish", it means that one isn't really relevant to music). Luckily, the night turned out to be better than the corny trainwreck I predicted it would be, though it wasn't great. This show just isn't the same since Michael left. And poor Kristy Lee Cook (who I was never a fan of) got kicked off after her best performance (it wasn't great but still). Anyways, here's the report card:

1. Syesha Mercado - "One Rock N' Roll Too Many". Aside from the fact that she kept pronouncing "many" as "men-AY", I actually liked Syesha (for once). She was perhaps the smartest contestant this week, because she chose a Lloyd Webber song that A) not many people are familiar with, and B) allowed her to be really lively and expressive. I was certainly a nice reprieve after three weeks of watching her sing on her ass the whole time. Towards the end she did remind me why I still don't like her; one of the final big notes sounded flat and thin (but apparently being loud makes that okay in Randy's mind). I also give her bonus points for getting rid of that explosive afro hairdo. Grade: B+

2. Jason Castro - "Memory" from Cats. Immediately following the smartest song choice of the night was the dumbest choice of the night. I gave Jason the benefit of the doubt at first, but after 30 seconds the flaws became obvious. His vocals lacked the raw emotion that the song is built upon, and it came across as laid back (hmmmm...kind of like ALL HIS PERFORMANCES INCLUDING THE GOOD ONES) instead of being passionate. He chose a song that people are SO familiar with (it finds its way onto many a Top 100 songs list) and tried to "Castro-fy" it. Unfortunately, Castrofication was the last song that "Memory" needed, and Simon nailed it when he said, "that was the longest two minutes of my life". It wasn't terrible, mainly because he sounded alright, but the gravitas and understanding of the words was MIA. Grade: C

3. Brooke White - "You Must Love Me" from Evita (movie version only). This seemed like a perfect fit for Brooke, and honestly I think it could have been. Then the unthinkable happened: she stopped 10 seconds in, and started over. For the SECOND time in the competition, Brooke had an early memory malfunction and it made for an awkward few seconds as she regrouped and started over. That said, I give Brooke some credit. First, even though some of her vocals were off, she did manage to capture the emotion of the song, and it saved the performance from being a train wreck. Had she not fumbled at the start, this could have been one of her better performances. I just hope America doesn't let her mistake send her packing this week. On another random thought, this song won Lloyd Webber an Oscar. Hmmm...maybe the producers should consider a "Best Original Song Winner" theme...... Grade: B-

4. David Archuletta - "Think of Me" from Phantom of the Opera. Another gender swapping performance, although this time it worked. I'll admit, for the first 15 seconds I was writhing in my seat as I listened to the song get a complete makeover, but once that passed I really liked what Archuletta did with the song. He finally ended his streak of boring performances! Grade: A-

5. Carly Smithson - "Jesus Christ Superstar" - from Jesus Christ Superstar. Carly left me puzzled this week. I liked what she did with the verses, but when she reached the chorus everything fell apart. The panting, the pauses, the back-and-forth-lyric-juggling with the backup singers...none of it worked; it broke the flow and melody of the song. I have to take more points off for Carly's renewed attempts at the Vocal Olympics. Wherever she could squeeze in an arbitrary "Oh!" or "yeeeeeah!", by God she did. Blurg. Grade: B

6. David Cook - "Music of the Night" from Phantom of the Opera. This was actually the song I'd hoped Michael would sing, but I was happy enough to have his grunge-rock counterpart do it in his unfortunate absence. It wasn't great, but I really liked it.....until the very very last note. I understand that the contestants need to "put their own stamp" on a song, but they also need to know where in the song to do it. Sorry David, but changing the final note from a slow, fading "niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight" into a rock n' roll power note ("NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!") was just wrong. Grade: B+

Prediction for tonight:

• Bottom Three: Jason, Brooke, Carly
• Going Home: Jason or Brooke

American Idol F***s it up BIG TIME

congratulations American Idol voters (I say voters because I watch the show avidly, but never vote), you just proved how stupid you are once again. You let lesser contestants like Syesha and Kristy sail on through while Michael Johns (who has more singing talent in a hiccup than those two have in their entire bodies) got sent home in season 7's FIRST IDOL SHOCKER. This borders on the unforgivable. Damn it.....now it won't be as enjoyable to watch next week's show. I really wanted to see what Michael would do on Andrew Lloyd Webber week....GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!

Those of us who like talented singers will miss you Michael.....let's just hope someone sees your talent and you pull a Chris Daughtry and become a huge success.

Mariah Carey shatters the sound barrier

just wait until the last 30 seconds or so....

American Idol - Top 8

I've actually been meaning to write about this season of American Idol, since it's the first time I've watched a season from the very first auditions episode. I missed the opportunity to blog about some great moments and performances, and it's a shame considering this has been a nice upturn after season 5 and 6's "kinda pitchy" finalists. Unlike those seasons, there's no one who's downright terrible. Well, tonight had the top 8 singing inspirational songs because this week is the second annual idol gives back charity event; poor countries in Africa get loads of money, and Ford and Coca-Cola make EVEN MORE on their ubiquitous advertisements and product placements. First up tonight was......

1. Michael Johns - "Dream On" by Aerosmith. I've been a fan of the Australian-turned-American ever since I saw him audition before the judges in Atlanta. He's got a great voice, performs well, and simply has...well...presence when he's moving/bouncing around on stage. After hitting a high point in Hollywood week with a stellar rendition of "Bohemian Rhapsody", he kind of sunk into "good but not great" territory throughout the Top 24, and the first few weeks of the Top 12. Two weeks ago he got his groove back, and last week he set the bar even higher. This week, he didn't manage to top himself, but he managed to deliver the strongest performance of the night. He sounded great, he got to show off his rocker side (what is Randy's problem with Michael rocking out? Can Randy only handle him singing blues-rock-R&B? sheesh), and he even managed to pull off some of those insane high notes that Aerosmith lead singer Steven Tyler is famous for.

Grade: B+ (again, best of the night, which should give you an indicator of how "meh" the night was as a whole).

2. Syesha Mercado - "I can Dream" (or something like that). Once again singing a BIG song by someone with a BIG voice, I have to give Syesha credit: for once, I almost/kinda/sorta liked it. I still don't understand why Randy keeps lavishing praise on her vocals...she's really got a pretty tinny sounding voice (those high notes are painful). Even though it was her best performance, I still really think she just needs to go home. That, and I really wish she would stop with that obnoxious, self satisfied smile she always has on her face after she performers.

Grade: B-

3. Jason Castro - "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". The dread locked goofball's performance was probably the most puzzling of the night. I'm still shocked that SIMON called it "fantastic". It wasn't bad, but it came off as too lightweight, even though Jason did sound good. However, the eukalale (sp?) was really distracting (similar to when Brooke used it on "Love is a Battlefield"). He should be safe this week, though if he can't break his laid back folksy mould anytime soon, he'll be in big trouble.

Grade: B-

4. Kristy Lee Cook - don't remember the song. Once again, the bland white wonder chose to sing another Bible-belt pleasing country-ish song (the word's prayer and God were squeezed into almost every other verse) in an attempt to save herself. Like Syesha, she doesn't deserve to be in the Top 12, but it was one of her better performances. That said, at her best this girl is just so friggin' bland...it makes me wonder how she's survived week after week in the bottom three. America must be really desperate to give it's last remaining GWB (generic white bitch) of this season as many chances as possible...

Grade: C

5. David Cook - "Innocent" I started out not liking this grungy rocker at all. After one of his Top 24 performances I became a fan. Soon, he stole all of Michael's mojo and started turning in great performance after great performance....until this week. He didn't fall flat on his face, but he stumbled pretty badly. The song really didn't do much for me, and David spent so much time jumping from low notes to ear piercing falsetto that it was jarring. I don't mind when Idol contestants walk out into the audience, but David pushed it over the edge when he finished by raising his palm, where he had written, "Give Back". I had one of those sudden urges to just reach through the TV screen and slap him. I was even more disappointed when even Simon didn't call him out for the hand writing. Luckily, the judges did call him out. However, he's turned in so many good performances that his fan base will easily keep him safe for this one major blunder.

Grade: C/C- (gah...I hate having to write that about him)

6. Carly Smithson - "The Show Must Go On" by Queen. Another great song, but alas, for Carly is was well....so predictable. That and she resumed her attempts and winning the Vocal Olympics by throwing in unnecessary "oh yeeeeeeah!"s in between lyrics just to show off her voice. Only problem is, they felt forced, and her voice got really thin in her upper range. I don't think she'll go home, but she's been on a downward spiral ever since "Blackbird". Shame. She does have a good voice.

Grade: C+

7. David Archuleta - "Angels". The boy wonder took the stage with a piano this week, and even though he sounded good, the song did absolutely nothing for me. Of course, the judges fawned over it, and the fan girls squealed. David just kept licking his lips like he does every week (can someone get this guy some f-ing chap stick for Christ's sake!?). Anyway, second best performance of the night, song choice being the big error.

Grade: B

8. Brooke White - can't remember the song even though I've heard it a million times. I really like this singing nanny. She's got a really nice voice and she's done some great things with great songs, but this was not one of her bests. It wasn't awful but as Simon and Randy said, it was pleasant...it was nice....was it great or original?...not really...but it was nice. Hopefully she'll stick around next week.

Grade: B-